4 posts from 2006

Kaiser to be exact.
Today's "Vox Thinger" made me want to answer the hell out of it. So here goes:
If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
My warning label, which would be in sticker form on my upper arm, would say "Warning: Person is known to cause confusion, irritation, irrational pining for the fjords. Many possible side effects include: vomiting, lower back pain, loss of motor control, poor spelling, misunderstood song lyrics, vague pop culture references, and scrofula. Person has been known to cause cancer in California. Do not use in an electrical storm. Do not use near an open flame. Do not poke repeatedly with a stick."

As you can see, my warning label is rather long. That's because I am bad to the bone, baby.
Bad to the bone.

Children's programing has always given me pause. From the strange bulbous fingers on The Doodlebops, to the kind of parenting that leads to Cailou.
Currently Handy Manny (Handy Mandy in our house) has given me reason to raise my eyebrow far above the legal limits.
Handy Manny (Disney Channel, check your local listings for times) is based around a young handy man and his anthropomorphic tools. Manny, is voiced by none other than notorious man whore Wilmer Valderama. Shown here in a file photo:

Filephoto

The Big Day (tm) has come and gone. My parents and their signifigant others came, ate, had a good time, and did not throw chairs or other things that ought to stay firmly rooted to the terrafirma.
So, all in all, a damn fine day!
We're now preparing for Santa. The tree is up, the outside lights will go up this weekend (maybe, if I feel like it...), the threats are made daily ("Santa is watching you!!! Now get the hell off of your sister!!!")
Our only hope is that no one pukes this year.
For the past 4 years, someone blows chunks all over our house on, or around, Christmas Day.
The first year,my kid sister ate too much raw cookie dough and hurled all over the guest room. The next year, she had the flu and hurled all over my couch. The year after that was the year of the rota virus.... that was horrible.... Last year, it was my sister again. This time she got sick off of the "butter" on her popcorn at the movies.
This year I'm thinking about not letting anyone into my house unless they bring me a note declaring their health from a board certified doctor.
And I'll leave a bottle of bleach in the bathroom so that people can sanitize their hands after they use the potty.
I'm not taking any chances.
If we get hit again this year, the CDC is going to close us down.

So what else is new? My space bar seems to be broken. So I end up with huge chunks of my sentences reduced to one long word. I'm getting over a killer sinus infection that infected a tear duct and gave me what I affectionately refer to as "Quasimodo Eye". It's hot.
Much to my joy, I find that the "Vox Thinger" is back and I have a question of the day to work with!!!
Today's question is "What song best describes your current mood?"
This is a hard one for me. I tend to get stuck on a song and listen to it over and over until I get it out of my system, as opposed to having a song that defines my mood for the day.
I just recently got over my obsession with The Killers' "Bones" and have moved on to My Chemical Romance's "Black Parade". Neither of which actually define or fit my mood today.
I would say, if I had to pin it down to a song, I'd be feeling very "Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel. Probably because today is very gray, and in my mind the video is in gray scale. I know it's not, but in my head it is, so, there you go. It's a pretty fierce song too, so, maybe I'm feeling aggressive and haven't realized it yet. I'll check later.
Speaking of monkeys, I have decided I don't trust them. Not that I ever end up in situations where I must place my trust in a monkey, but should that ever happen, I won't. This is because, the other night, I watched a special on the National Geographic channel that was called, I shit you not people, The Monkey Detective. Or was it Chimp Detective? No matter, it was some sort of Simian Detective. Being that it was three o'clock in the am, my first thought was, "Hell yes! An entire show where a monkey is a private eye! Sign me up!" and switched on over. My disappointment was palpable when I saw it was a dude looking for a monkey. Not just any monkey, but a gang of monkeys that attack people without provocation. And on the "Next on Monkey Detective" bit leading into commercials, they showed a monkey with blood all over his face screaming or shrieking, or whatever the hell noise angry monkeys who eat people make. So my interest was peaked. Apparently, it's quite common for monkeys to freak out and attack random people for doing things like, hanging up laundry. I guess they just have a lot of issues with laundry. Anyway, they end up beating the snot out of people, and biting them, and infecting them with all sorts of exotic monkey diseases. They don't know why they freak out, they don't know how they decide who they'll attack, they just know that these monkeys are unstable and probably should be in some sort of weekly group therapy.
And that's why I no longer trust monkeys. So I hope I never need to ask for the help of a monkey, or loan one money someday. I just don't think I could do it.