Posts (page 2)

But then, if I did, what would people have to nag me about?
I'm always thinking of others.
I should get a Nobel Prize.
I am chuffed as all get out to see they have a Sci-Fi theme now! Yay for me!
If only they had a Dr. Who theme. I am so into that show lately! I love the current Doctor. He's hilarious.
He just has this half crazed, slightly insane look about him that I find charming and perfectly suited to a guy who spends his life (lives?) traveling through time.
This week marks the beginning of the new TV season. As I am a massive TV addict, this is a big deal for me.
I expect to be overjoyed with the return of Heroes, The Office, My Name is Earl, and 30 Rock. And I'm super looking forward to the new shows that are premiering that I can't really name right now.
Thank God I have a DVR now. It's probably one of the greatest inventions ever, right after indoor plumbing, and coffee makers.

Karen tagged me. This means I have to write 5 things most people don't know about me.
These kinds of things are hard for me. I never remember if I've told people something or not.
So if I repeat myself, well... forgive, yeah?

1. I read Dante's Inferno in the original Italian Dialect. It was really difficult, because, first, it's a medieval dialect, and second, it differs a bit from modern day Italian. (Did you know Italy did not have a unified, national language until the 1960's? S'true.)
2. I despise loading the dishwasher more than any chore. I'll scrub a toilet. I'll get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor. Just don't make me unload the dishwasher. I have no idea why. It's right up there with folding laundry for me. A miserable, miserable way to spend your time.
3. I am trying to teach myself to juggle. No real reason, other than it was on my list of things to do before I die. I'm not doing very well. Thanks for asking. :p
4. I am extremely loud. I yell when I'm happy, I yell when I'm angry. I just make a lot of noise. I really can't help myself. The one time I lost my voice my kids all thought I was really angry with them and would cry when I came in the room. A lot of hugging went on that day to make sure everyone knew I wasn't mad. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt.
5. I would consider myself an optomist. I think that, generally, I have a cheerfull outlook on life, and try not to wallow in the negativity. Not that I never feel negative. In fact, I tend to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. That way, if the best happens, it's a great surprise. If the worst happens, no big deal, I'm ready for it.

So.. 5 things about me that you may, or may not, know!
Mangia!

Oh! And since I'm here:
QOTD:
How do you pass the time during a flight?  What do you bring in your carry-on?

As if I fly often enough. :p
I read, or listen to headphones.
In my carry- on, I bring a snack, a water, and said book and headphones. Also, and extra pair of underwear and a toothbrush and toothpaste, and my wallet.
You never know when your luggage may decide to go on vacation without you.

...items that may or may not interest.
For Ragdoll:
Guitar Hero 2 is the sequel to the shockingly named Guitar Hero 1. It's for the PS2 and is so much fun it's sick. It's essentially a rhythm game where you hit the different colored buttons on the neck of the guitar controller and "strum" in time with the little colored globs coming down the screen. Sounds easy enough, but it sure as hell isn't. Unless, maybe, you know how to play a real guitar. Which I don't. Flute training never prepared me for this kind of finger breaking hand contorting agony.
It's brought equal amounts of hatred and deep affection for the bands whose music I mangle. Like, I now have a seething hatred for The Butthole Surfers and Primus that I had never harbored before. While holding a soft spot in my heart for the Foo Fighters and dare I utter it? Warrent's Cherry Pie. Cause I fucking own on that song.
For those about to rock, I'd salute you, but I pulled a muscle while rocking out.
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QOTD:
You're trapped in a (temporarily) out of order elevator - who would you like to be trapped with? 
Easy. Elevator repair man.
However, if this is a fantasy world... Michael C. Hall. But only if we made out while waiting to be rescued. If that wasn't gonna happen, absolutly the elevator repair guy.

Or rather, me. Mayhem has been on a Finding Nemo kick as of late. We cycle through movies here at Chataeu Smart Ass. A few months ago, I watched Howl's Moving Castle twice a day every day for a solid month. Before that it was Chicken Little. All kids go through this phase. It helps them feel comfortable and relaxed in the face of growing independence. Coping mechanism and all that jazz.
Now here's a coping mechanism for you, that does not involve gallons of hard liquor.
What to do During the 50th Showing of *Insert Children's Movie Here* (A comprehensive guide)
1. Make friends with your couch.
This means sleep. Pile the offending child or children behind your legs and invest in some "you" time. This can also be accomplished on the floor if you have 2+ children or bigger kids. Just make a pile of pillows and blankets and cat nap. It will leave you refreshed, and insanity free!
2. Read.
What?! Like... a book? Yeah. A book. Or the paper. This is the best way to combat a kid movie overdose. Imerse yourself in stodgy adulthood. Or go the more enjoyable route and read some fiction.
3. Do your taxes.
Again, adult activity to combat kids movie. Of course, this really can only be preformed once a year. So don't waste it.
4. Balance the checkbook.
This is boring though. I suggest you leave it for your spouse.
5. Do a craft!
This has a downside in that, your children may become more interested in the craft than the movie and you'd loose your "me time".
6. I guess... maybe... you could do housework.
But why?
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Notice how I'm breaking up my thoughts in this post? I think it'll help people who aren't used to my "stream of consciousness train of thought".
We have recently discovered, thanks to Guitar Hero 2, that sweet, gentle,adorable little Havoc has a taste for Black Sabbath. Mainly War Pigs. She sways and bops and wiggles to it. it's so sweet and cute, you can almost forget that she's wiggling her little baby butt to Ozzy Osbourne.
Speaking of Guitar Hero 2, I have become quite obsessive about getting 5 stars on every song, on every level. Last night, Smart Ass got perfects and 5 stars on every song in Easy. Which has, of course, made me now crave perfects too. I have only gotten 2 songs in to Medium while Smart Ass has moved on to Hard. Now I have to go back and get perfects on everything in Easy. Damn it.
Also, for some reason, I now have a new found apreciation for "Shout At The Devil" by Motley Crue. (I can't put the umlats in, so... suck it up) This disturbs me more than I can say....
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QOTD:
In which fictional world/universe/land/city would you most like to live?
Hmmmm... part of me says Metropolis, cause frankly, I'd like to have a little sit down with Superman. Dude needs therapy.... but then again,maybe Gotham instead... but really, the amount of chemicals that are constantly put in the water and air there by The Joker is pretty freaking disturbing... So.. since I'm clearly a nerd... WoW? No...No no no. I prefer indoor plumbing and walking down the street without getting eaten thankssomuch.... Maybe the Firefly 'verse? Well... I prefer my steaks made of cows.. even if there is a Mal in that 'verse... Alien was a pretty kick a... never mind... um....Oh! I'd like Howl's Moving Castle's world. Advanced enough where you get to go to the bathroom inside, and still magical.
And no aliens with acid drool to eat you.

31 years old today. I would call myself firmly ensconsed in adult hood. Though, with the current condition of my skin you'd think I was just hitting puberty. Double Ewe Tee Eff, as the kids might say.
My plans for the day are simple.
Smart Ass comes home early, I will take a shower and a nap, then head to Target. ALONE!!!! I am sick excited about that.
I will come home to someone else deciding on and getting dinner.
Then I get to be a nerd and play some WoW. Zul Gurub tonight baby.
Good times. Good times.
What did I ask for from my kids?
Quiet.
I don't think I'll be getting it this year.
Oh well. Maybe next year.
Friday I will go out to dinner and a kung fu movie with Smart Ass.

Question of the Day (AkA: "The Vox Thinger")
What's something that you're really proud of, which most people in your life don't know about?
I won a poetry contest when I was 8. It was sponsored by the local paper and JC Penny.
My poem was published in the paper, and I won a gift certificate to JC Penny.
Since it was a Father's Day poetry contest and the poem was about my Dad, I used the money to buy him a shirt.
He can't fit in it anymore, it's really old and worn out, but I'll be damned if the man doesn't still have that thing hanging in his closet. :) I don't exactly remember what the poem was about, but I know it isn't the lame piece of crap my Mom thinks it was (some sort of "Roses are Red" rip off).
I wish I had cut the article out and saved it. That'd be something cool to give to my Dad, all matted and framed. :)

Shall we?
Today's Vox thinger: "What's the most obsessive-compulsive thing you do in a normal day?"

Let's see... there's fixing the curtains after it's dark out. I get completely creeped out by the idea that someone can see me, but I can't see them. So as soon as it starts to get dark out, every blind and curtain in my house gets closed.
I can't ever live in one of those houses with floor to ceiling windows. I'd go nuts if I couldn't put curtains or blinds over them. I don't care if I'm in the woods and there's only squirrels and deer out there. I don't want them watching me eat dinner. Freaks.
I also have a strict "sleep routine" that must be tended to, or I can't sleep.
Bathroom door and closet door must be closed.
All the blankets must be "right side up" with the tags or the "defined" bottom part, near my feet. (and this goes for my husband, and children's blankets too)
No feet hanging out of the blankets, or over the bed.
My hair can't be touching me.
I have to have at least a comforter.
Do not touch me while I sleep! I don't like to sweat.
And for the love of God, unless you want to loose some teeth, do not touch my feet to wake me up. It's not that I'm freaked out by feet or anything. I just have a very active imagination, and do not want to wake up thinking something snaked it's hand out from under the bed and grabbed my feets. As monsters and serial killers are wont to do.
See? Perfectly reasonable.

Kaiser to be exact.
Today's "Vox Thinger" made me want to answer the hell out of it. So here goes:
If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
My warning label, which would be in sticker form on my upper arm, would say "Warning: Person is known to cause confusion, irritation, irrational pining for the fjords. Many possible side effects include: vomiting, lower back pain, loss of motor control, poor spelling, misunderstood song lyrics, vague pop culture references, and scrofula. Person has been known to cause cancer in California. Do not use in an electrical storm. Do not use near an open flame. Do not poke repeatedly with a stick."

As you can see, my warning label is rather long. That's because I am bad to the bone, baby.
Bad to the bone.

Children's programing has always given me pause. From the strange bulbous fingers on The Doodlebops, to the kind of parenting that leads to Cailou.
Currently Handy Manny (Handy Mandy in our house) has given me reason to raise my eyebrow far above the legal limits.
Handy Manny (Disney Channel, check your local listings for times) is based around a young handy man and his anthropomorphic tools. Manny, is voiced by none other than notorious man whore Wilmer Valderama. Shown here in a file photo:

Filephoto

The Big Day (tm) has come and gone. My parents and their signifigant others came, ate, had a good time, and did not throw chairs or other things that ought to stay firmly rooted to the terrafirma.
So, all in all, a damn fine day!
We're now preparing for Santa. The tree is up, the outside lights will go up this weekend (maybe, if I feel like it...), the threats are made daily ("Santa is watching you!!! Now get the hell off of your sister!!!")
Our only hope is that no one pukes this year.
For the past 4 years, someone blows chunks all over our house on, or around, Christmas Day.
The first year,my kid sister ate too much raw cookie dough and hurled all over the guest room. The next year, she had the flu and hurled all over my couch. The year after that was the year of the rota virus.... that was horrible.... Last year, it was my sister again. This time she got sick off of the "butter" on her popcorn at the movies.
This year I'm thinking about not letting anyone into my house unless they bring me a note declaring their health from a board certified doctor.
And I'll leave a bottle of bleach in the bathroom so that people can sanitize their hands after they use the potty.
I'm not taking any chances.
If we get hit again this year, the CDC is going to close us down.

So what else is new? My space bar seems to be broken. So I end up with huge chunks of my sentences reduced to one long word. I'm getting over a killer sinus infection that infected a tear duct and gave me what I affectionately refer to as "Quasimodo Eye". It's hot.
Much to my joy, I find that the "Vox Thinger" is back and I have a question of the day to work with!!!
Today's question is "What song best describes your current mood?"
This is a hard one for me. I tend to get stuck on a song and listen to it over and over until I get it out of my system, as opposed to having a song that defines my mood for the day.
I just recently got over my obsession with The Killers' "Bones" and have moved on to My Chemical Romance's "Black Parade". Neither of which actually define or fit my mood today.
I would say, if I had to pin it down to a song, I'd be feeling very "Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel. Probably because today is very gray, and in my mind the video is in gray scale. I know it's not, but in my head it is, so, there you go. It's a pretty fierce song too, so, maybe I'm feeling aggressive and haven't realized it yet. I'll check later.
Speaking of monkeys, I have decided I don't trust them. Not that I ever end up in situations where I must place my trust in a monkey, but should that ever happen, I won't. This is because, the other night, I watched a special on the National Geographic channel that was called, I shit you not people, The Monkey Detective. Or was it Chimp Detective? No matter, it was some sort of Simian Detective. Being that it was three o'clock in the am, my first thought was, "Hell yes! An entire show where a monkey is a private eye! Sign me up!" and switched on over. My disappointment was palpable when I saw it was a dude looking for a monkey. Not just any monkey, but a gang of monkeys that attack people without provocation. And on the "Next on Monkey Detective" bit leading into commercials, they showed a monkey with blood all over his face screaming or shrieking, or whatever the hell noise angry monkeys who eat people make. So my interest was peaked. Apparently, it's quite common for monkeys to freak out and attack random people for doing things like, hanging up laundry. I guess they just have a lot of issues with laundry. Anyway, they end up beating the snot out of people, and biting them, and infecting them with all sorts of exotic monkey diseases. They don't know why they freak out, they don't know how they decide who they'll attack, they just know that these monkeys are unstable and probably should be in some sort of weekly group therapy.
And that's why I no longer trust monkeys. So I hope I never need to ask for the help of a monkey, or loan one money someday. I just don't think I could do it.